When we last spoke, I discussed how, despite running a blog about kink and sexuality, I have never actually had sex.  And in the time since we last spoke, I remain a virgin.  However, I have spent the better part of a year doing a lot of research and soul-searching, and have come to the realization that I am asexual, and that on the asexuality spectrum, I fall somewhere between sex-averse and sex-repulsed, while still feeling romantic attraction.  I also recognize that there is probably nothing that I can do to change that, because that’s just how I’m wired.

Before coming to this conclusion, however, I did my research, looking at it from every angle that I could think of.  I started by looking at it from a fear perspective, but I came to a dead end, because I felt like I couldn’t make get close enough to it to even worry about being afraid of it.  I also felt like the various “solutions” that I found online about a fear of sex didn’t address the issue.  I have engaged in some sexual touching with my partner, after all, but it was with a gloved hand.  So it was pretty clear that it’s not a phobia, so that’s out.  I also looked into the possibility of low libido, and what that involves.  One of the big questions that those ask is whether or not you masturbate.  I do masturbate on a somewhat regular basis, usually once or twice a week, which helps to relieve stress.  Another big question that typically gets asked in that situation is whether or not this is a recent thing, and in my case, it isn’t.  I’ve always been like this.  Nothing has changed as far as libido goes.  Similarly, I looked into Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, or HSDD.  That again didn’t check all of the boxes, as that requires the condition to cause some amount of distress, and I’m not distressed by it.  The only distress is caused by external factors, in that my partner makes sure that I know that she is not happy about the lack of sex in our relationship.  Me, I could go my entire life without copulating and be just fine.  In short, it’s none of those things.

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