Just in looking at my own kinks, I’m amazed about how specific some things can be. In the various BDSM scenes that I’ve had the fortune of being in, it’s taught me a lot about what puts me on the path to subspace and what doesn’t.

One thing I’ve come to realize is that I have to completely “let go” to reach subspace. But at the same time, I am unable to let go on my own. I often try to direct a situation, sometimes without even realizing I’m doing it. Thus I have to be somewhat forced to let go. I need to not mess with things: tie me up. If I can say something about a situation, I will do so and try to take it over, but need to not do that to let go: gag me. And if I can see it, I will try and do something about it, even if only mentally: blindfold me.

On that note, I have to be able to know I’m in until someone releases me. That’s why I am not that fond of tape gags, for one. At least as I see it, a person who is tape gagged is only gagged voluntarily. I know that I can, on my own, render a tape gag ineffective just by opening my mouth. Thus I’m insufficiently gagged and can’t let go. For me to reach subspace, the gag has to be one that I can’t negate on my own. This is partly why I love ballgags so much. When my hands are properly restrained, I can’t get rid of a ballgag. It is in there until the top removes it, and until such time, any attempt at speech is futile. So it’s a “problem” that I can’t solve, and so I just have to let go.

Then the other key to my reaching subspace is being in my own world and oblivious to my surroundings. If I can see others watching me, I can’t let go. Even if I know that there are others in the room, if I can’t see them, it’s easy enough to forget that they are there and I can let go. If it tells you anything, after a scene where I was bound, gagged, blindfolded, and had reached subspace, I was genuinely surprised when someone told me later that they enjoyed watching the scene, because in my world, the only people around during that scene were just my top and me. I was able to completely forget that I was in a room full of people. It was just two of us.

Then once I’m properly prepared, it’s a one-way ticket from there to subspace. You know I’m there when, after the spanking, tickling, flogging, or what have you is done (even if it’s ended by safeword), that I want to just sort of hang out for a while, still in the bondage that I was placed in – restraints, gag, blindfold, and all. I am enjoying my own scene-induced glow, and it’s a great feeling.

What gets me to subspace, however, is always up for negotiation, as I love to try new things and have fun with familiar things. And playing is so much fun…