- July 17th, 2015
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As I’ve gone through my thirties, I have really been more open to exploring my inner self. When I was in my twenties, I was more concerned about what “other people” might think. Now that I’m in my thirties, I have come to realize that said “other people” are too busy dealing with their own insecurities, and therefore aren’t paying close attention to me. With that realization, there’s a certain level of “fuck it, let’s do it” that comes to mind, because, after all, you only live once. I also love the freedom that we have as children to do and explore whatever we want in the name of child’s play, and it makes me sad the way society then pushes us into conformity with certain gender norms as we get older. It raises our inhibitions, and makes us less willing to go outside those norms.
I generally go through life as a cisgendered male. I have the male anatomy, I dress in men’s clothing, etc. However, when I was growing up, I remember thinking how much more interesting the “girl” toys that were advertised on Saturday morning were than the “boy” toys. I also secretly envied the far more exciting and fun outfits that women got to wear. I loved the clothes, and I loved the shoes. After all, men’s clothing is pretty formulaic, and the shoes aren’t that exciting, either. Not much in the way of excitement there. When I was around 12 years old, I secretly tried on some female clothing, and it actually felt pretty good. However, at that age, I kept that side well hidden, because, you know, middle school and all. Then I unconsciously put it away for quite some time.