The thoughts and experiences of a person in the BDSM scene

Sometimes the hardest part of a journey is taking the first step.  This was the case for my first foray into the public BDSM scene.

In my previous post, you may recall that I discussed how I had known that I was kinky for practically my entire life, and that I had known about Washington DC-based Black Rose for several years, but had taken no action towards getting involved with that group.  Once my friend told me back in September 2011 that she was kinky, and was involved in her own local scene, it made me start to wonder why I wasn’t involved myself.  After all, if she can do it, why can’t I?  I looked at Black Rose’s site again a few times over the next few months, and in late December, determined that their next orientation, or as they call it, “Gateway”, was on January 5, 2012 in a conference room at the Phoenix Park Hotel near Union Station in DC.

I had been debating in my mind for about a week prior to the January Gateway about whether or not I should go.  Ultimately, I decided to just take the plunge and go.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?  It might be a great thing, or it might turn out to be completely lame, but you don’t know for sure until you go and find out.

As with other vanilla special events that I’ve been to, my body knew that Black Rose’s Gateway was something special.  My stomach was doing flipturns at the office, as the anticipation was causing me some physical ailments.  I knew that this was something I really needed to do for myself, and I would regret it if I didn’t go (and would have to wait a month for another opportunity), but my stomach felt worse and worse as the day went on.  I did my best to ignore it, as I knew it was just nervousness from anticipation and that once I got there, I would be fine, but it was becoming difficult to ignore in the meantime.

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Welcome to Bondage Diaries, a place on the Internet where I can safely and discreetly discuss kinky topics.

I feel like I should introduce myself in this first post. I am in my early thirties, and I identify as male. I consider myself a submissive, first and foremost.

I have known that I was kinky practically all of my life. Something “clicked” when, as a child, I would see a scene in a cartoon showing someone getting tied up and gagged. I particularly enjoyed a very brief scene from the SuperTed episode “Nuts in Space” where a villain gagged a woman whom he had previously tied up offscreen.

Likewise, I would feel uncomfortable watching a scene on television where someone got tied up when family members were present. It wasn’t that I was doing anything that I wouldn’t necessarily want them to see while these scenes were going on, but I was enjoying the scenes in a way that I couldn’t quite name and they were cramping my style by simply being in the room.

Later in childhood, I would tie myself up with the pillowcases in my bedroom at night for a few minutes before falling asleep. This sort of self-bondage wasn’t anything that I could have ever gotten trapped in by any means. I relied on my imagination more than anything else to keep me “bound”. Then after tying myself up for a while, I would quietly put everything back as it should be before going to sleep.

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